Don't Wanna Be a Playa' No More......

In life and relationship, you will come across all types of people from those who possess integrity, your procrastinators, those trying to find their purpose, those who know their purpose, and those who we call "the game players."  As you go through your journey of enlightenment, develop wisdom and discernment so you are able to determine the type of people you allow in. 

Today, we are going to deal with what we call "the game player" and if this is you, remember you are playing with the heart of another.  Signs of a game player:  1.  One who looks to gain through manipulation of another.  2.  One who is evasive in conversation and when asked a particular question, avoids answering.  3.  One who pushes another's self-esteem to the breaking point.  4.  One who makes false accusations to turn the scent another direction and try to make you feel something is wrong with you. 

In your journey of seeking healthy relationships, I cannot stress to you enough the need to have high self-esteem for self.  With that, there are simply certain things that you will automatically recognize and give no folly to.  No one wants their heart to be played with.  Unfortunately, as time evades, there are people who have played or eluded true/real relationships so often, that they continue in a state of conscious and/or unconscious dysfunction.   Understand that you deserve the best and in order to get the best, Be the Best!  Why on earth would you subject yourself to another who would test your ethics and standards as a human being? - that's a self-esteem issue.  Why play silly games based on rules that technically have no rules?  - any standards here?

When you meet people of interest, make friends first and only consider dating after they have proven to be respectful and worthy of you.  In my experience, I've had the highs and lows of relationship and it wasn't until I came to myself, recognized my very own issues, faced them, had my own pitty party for a moment, talked to people, got back up, got off the dating scene for a moment to ready myself, made myself accountable to people of wisdom that I began to see the true maturity.  You see, many many years ago, I was a game player so I recognize the signs and in my game playing, I got played on a few occasions.  Do recognize what you put out, will come back to you.  

If you are a game player and you want to stop, tell yourself, I don't want to be a playa no more and take steps to stop by being honest with self and others.   If you are not a game player and don't want to be played,  know the signs and don't allow yourself to GET played.  But let me reinforce, don't walk around mis-trusting everyone you meet either, that's also an inward issue that you need to deal with.  Simply know the signs and ask for wisdom. 

          Real Talk the Movement panelist, James Sutton, Commentator Eric Gooden of CEO TV
                                   

 This Blog written by Founder of Real Talk the Movement
LaTonya Washington

If These Walls Had Ears "Real Talk Listening Campaign"

Have you ever shared secrets with someone that you felt you could put your full trust in to later wonder if they shared your deep thoughts and concerns with others or if they felt different about you because you shared YOU?  How about sharing your thoughts with a bartender at a club, your hairstylist who you see on a consistent basis, the barber and/or the "therapist?"  Could you be one of the ones who feel a release?

We all need someone to listen, to lean on, care and to share with, otherwise I believe we would drive ourselves NUTS! 

For the Month of May 2012, we decided to call Real Talk the Movement "The Listening Campaign" because there comes a time when we have to stop talking and begin to listen to one another and master the art of listening. This also allows us to really hear one another and hopefully help one another.

Let me share this with you why it is important for us to listen and get some things off our chest.  Years ago, when I was going through divorce (15 years ago to be exact), I decided to get out the house and hang out with close friends.  As I got into my car and began to drive, I began to sink into a depression and a voice told me(definitely wasn't God), just drive your car off the freeway.  Thank goodness I came to myself.  As I got to my destination, I ran to a friend and said, " ******* I almost drove my car off the bridge!"  At that moment, I just knew they were going to encourage me and listen as I spoke.  Quite the contrary, they began to talk about their stuff; it was like they did not hear a word I said and really, "they didn't or simply didn't care." I then realized that was not a true friend, it was a selfish person. I've only shared this with a few people until now because it was something I was ashamed of, but those shameful days are way over.  I'm now hear to encourage! 

Make sure as you go through life, select people who you feel you can trust, who have your best interest at heart and who you feel can advise you wisely.  If you are in a relationship(marriage, girlfriend/boyfriend), you should be able to be open enough to share, share enough to where your mate connects with you and a bond develops.  If you are in something and you feel resistance to share, ask yourself, why am I not able to share my inner most thoughts, concerns, secrets?   Many things can arise but do know a trust issue lies somewhere and it is either on your side or theirs.

RELATIONAL:  A person who truly loves their mate, shouldn't have to keep secrets from them.  Because in order for a relationship to work you must be honest, open and 100% in.   We talk to others because we trust them, we feel they are genuinely concerned about our well being.  Be one who people feel they can share, that you really are concerned and your lips are sealed if they tell you something in confidence.  We all talk but my challenge is that we begin to use discernment and feel one another.

 All I know is, if walls really had ears, hearing aids would be flying off the shelf!  That's Real Talk!

Blog written by LaTonya Washington