Bond or Not to Bond...That is the Question!

All people desire love,  not only do they desire it, I believe they want to give it.  How they give it and receive it is another story.

This past month at Real Talk the Movement IE and LA, we had the opportunity to go from the dating phase to the bonding phase with the definition and understanding of both.  It was unanimous that most people date for the following reasons:

• Have fun with someone
• To find "the one" for relationship/marriage
• To have Sex
• Nothing else to do but eat dinner with someone other than being by yourself, 
• etc.

It was unanimous that to bond, you have to give the following:

• Time
• Attention
• Imagination
• Sacrifice
• Friendship
• Acknowledgement that the two parties involved choose to go to the next level of the relationship
• etc

If man was not made to be alone, but we are finding ourselves by ourselves,  according to the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, there is a problem emerging at a drastic rate.  Essentially, people are marrying for the wrong reasons, they have not taken the time to "know" who they are, don't ask each other the "right" questions, fail to discuss goals and don't take the time to prepare and invest in the relationship.  Overall, people do not fully prepare themselves!  It's time to REVERSE the PROCESS!

We have to learn that when dating, be honest with yourself as to why you are dating.  If you are dating with the expectation of relationship and/or marriage, it's okay to discuss it, but know how to discuss it.  Going in as a tyrant is not the answer, that would run anyone away.  Develop the art of speech, we all have different voice tones.

When going from the dating phase to the bonding phase, both parties have to be in agreement; that takes two.  Once again, we falter in relationships because we don't take the time to communicate effectively.   Talk about your goals, your wants, your dreams, your desires.  INVEST THE TIME!   You also have to pay attention to one another which requires listening, ask questions, get an understanding.   Then have an IMAGINATION!  Be creative in the relationship, do something different from the norm, instead of dinner for 2 at the elegant restaurant, drive up the coast, have a picnic overlooking the water.

To go to the next level in relationships, sometimes you have to sacrifice.  But trust me, when you are with the person you want to be with, you WILL become selfless and will begin to think about their needs and desires without jeopardizing your own.  The foundation of it all is the FRIENDSHIP!  You can't bond without it.

So, as you go throughout your journey know that in order to have a lasting relationship, it requires you to bond, bonding requires you to talk, talking requires you to open up, opening up requires some vulnerability and the vulnerability requires trust....  We're not designed to be alone, it's going to come up sooner or later, but whether now or later, be prepared.

This blog was written by the Founder of Real Talk the Movement
LaTonya Washington

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